We-all-turn-to-dust

I wish I could be safe To feel and let out All of the feelings Trapped inside. I always have to be strong To ask "are you ok" When I'm not ok When I need to be held. I'm giving up And I can't stop myself I just can't stand Feeling this way. I am Never good enough Never interesting enough Not worth talking to Or loving. I am always made to feel That I have done wrong That I am wrong I am walking on egg shells. If I don't cater to whims I am cruel and uncaring But I have needs too Are my needs wrong? I am ignored Most of the time Yet it is expected For me to care regardless. How can I care When I am nothing? How can I

Love so overwhelming it scares me I feel like if it gets lost I won’t be able to live When the darkness comes for me I’m not alone Love is my shield. I push away and I fight But still my love is here I struggle and I cry The memories still haunt. How do I be the person he deserves? When I am so broken inside He deserves so much better But still he loves me.

Sweet nothings are nothing When they are never said Alone I cry All alone. A bored housewife And all that jazz Or is the emptiness my being And I hide. The hole I drown in Is inside me Always bobbing Trying to break free. No friends, no warmth Just numb and bleeding No happy times Just tears. The story of my life is a tragedy Written on my heart in scars The darkness is back It never left just hid.

Sometimes I yearn to be the roadkill Dead on the ground No more pain No more tears. Sometimes I want to be the one Who drives the car Kills the thing No more pain. Huddled in fear and pain And yet feeling nothing And everything All At once. Fuck this feeling Fuck the hurting Fuck the tears And fuck this life.

The cold dark liquid Goes down sweet and smooth Warms up the cold, Dark place inside me. Nothing living in there But warms it none the less Makes the pain livable, For another night at least. Tears I can summon on command Because the sadness is always there Right below my surface Fighting to be on top. I laugh and I sing I dance and I hug But inside I’m dead And always have been. So I’ll have another drink And maybe this one will last Until I can find a way to fill The emptiness inside me. Or maybe this one will grant me the courage To make the pain leak outside Where it doesn’t hurt so much It just stai